Estosterone

ESTOSTERONE

I did not forget the “t” in the title because the first part of the male hormone has been phonetically removed. This is my new PC term for the metrosexual phenomenon that is making males effeminate, females maculine and humans androgenous.

My friend actually meant to say estrogen when she was descibing our girls’ weekend away with her lonely boyfriend who was starting to feel outnumbered by her three friends. We joked that he was our pimp and all men who walked past our high pitched parties seemed jealous, if not slightly in awe of this man that seemed so comfortable around women.

I’m often surprised by men’s knowledge of female anatomy and functioning. Buying tampons, acknowledging PMS as a reality and filling hot water bottles shows me that a man does not think that the menstual cycle is a tandem bike with saddles designed for men.

I often chat to guys who will admit going for facials, massages and manicures more often than I do. Beauty salons are seeing a drastic increase in the number of male clientele. Previously, the illegal massage parlours were the only places with beds that had men using their services.

Female magazines are read by males (surely ladies buy these mags and lend them to boyfriends?), girlfriends receive handpicked lingerie as gifts (tastefully chosen in the correct size) and men admit to crying in a sad movie. Usually it is an animal movie and not a love story, but I also thought “Sea Biscuit” was more moving than “Titanic”. If you’ll excuse the pun as the Titanic will not be sailing anywhere again. When I was in school, my hardcore guy friend admitted to crying in “Braveheart” and since then there he had seen less shame in admitting to shedding a tear occasionally. I still get uncomfortable when anybody cries around me so I turn a blind eye when I see an emotional male with glistening eyes in the movies. Slight role reversal when the female is the unfeeling, detached, impassive party.

My favourite evidence of this newfound estosterone is when guys want to join girl talk. They move away from the sports talk around the braai and gravitate to the the giggling girls sharing the bottle of wine. When men ask them why they prefer our conversation they will probably say that they want to take advantage of a drunk woman or report back what the girls are gossiping about the guys. The truth is that guys love gossip. Some women are trying to avoid speaking negatively of another person, but men want to know everything about others. Rumours, scandals and affairs are hot topics for the male ear. Who is doing what to who and why dominates conversation for the evening and I’m sure that some males would take reference notes if they could. Their attention is focussed on learning about the happenings of their social community.

The questions that men ask among a group of girls are relevant and probing and make us think about our personal reasons for doing certain things that were automatic. They analyse our reatcions to situations and consider our decisions if it has nothing to do with their lives. When they are involved in our situations and our decisions affect them personally, they tend to be less impartial and open minded and more opinionated about our reations to any problem or crisis.

The only worrying factor about this estosterone is the lack of availible, dateable males. I’m a bit if a fag hag and tend to be friendly with the homosexuals. Making more and more effeminate friends at the moment has led to fewer single men crossing my path. The gay community seems to be on a recruitment drive trying to get the straight guys to their side of the sexual fence. It becomes impossible to judge whether a person is happily heterosexual or in the closet.

Less testosterone leads to a greater understanding of female functioning and  now there’s a cooking volunteer and a sympathetic ear who will keep listening long after my girlfriends have lost interest.